Entries in friendship (8)


How to Stop a Lie?

A recent Georgetowner newspaper advice column took on the question of what a person should do when a lie started to get out of control. The writer takes responsibility for the mistake of lying in the first place, but wonders what to do since coming clean will likely end a deep friendship. What would you do? While the idea of having a deep heart to heart with the friend could lead to a transformed relationship with that person, we only can predict our own reaction in that situation - friend could disappoint us. That's why it is really important to be very clear with yourself about how you might react in either situation, before having the conversation. Read the whole article here.


How Friendships Evolve - or Die

It's rare for an advice column to get to address a particular reader's question more than one time. I had the great opportunity to receive an initial question early this year, and then a follow-up a month later, as the writer offered an update on her attempts to repair a friendship she missed and wanted to have back in her life. Links to the two-part series can be found here.


This is 40: Boring?

My most recent column for the Georgetowner looks at a reader's concern that her friends are too boring, now that they have moved out of the college years and into real life with jobs, houses, and families. I honestly get what she is talking about - it can be shocking to wake up and realize that an entire date night conversation focused on gutter improvement (I've been there). But at the same time, we do grow out of relationships, and if this reader is feeling so resentful of her college friends, perhaps she should take some time to seek out new ones. It's challenging to make new friends in midlife, but there's something freeing about being able to choose the people you spend your time with - rather than carving a social life out of a dorm room assignment (or a cubicle assingment, for that matter). You can read the whole question and my response here.


Pressure to Engage?

They've been together since college and she wants to get married - he's not feeling it, but doesn't want to lose her. This is a question that has come up in my office - with the parties playing different roles - again and again for the last few years. The truth is that both parties are feeling pressure to get engaged - he gets it from her, and she gets it from everywhere else. Is it ideal? No, but it is reality. She can't ignore her feelings about being pressured, no more than he can ignore her feelings. Read my response here. 


SIL is 'Clueless' About My Infertility?

This week's Murphy's Love column addressed a pretty interesting question - what to do when someone close to you acts cluelessly regarding a private, personal struggle you are having. The writer calls her sister-in-law "clueless" about her own infertility struggle, but that label seems unfair. The writer has not shared this information with SIL, so her behavior is happening without the benefit of that extra information. We all have done this - holding someone accountable for behavior despite a lack of deep understanding. Yes, the SIL's happiness about her own pregnancy is a tough pill to swallow while our writer experiences infertility - but we can't hold her accountable for acting insensitively if we don't give her the information required to make the choice to be insensitive in the first place. Read my response and the whole article here.