"Hurtful words in a relationship can be like a drop of red dye in a glass of water that turns the whole glass pink. What starts out as a slip of tongue, a small slight from one person to another, sets a process in motion that slowly (or quickly) permeates a relationship and begins to define its tone."

Instead, the two relationship experts recommend that couples make a commitment to "zero negativity." That means absolutely no negative talk, no constructive criticism, no jokes at the other's expense, nothing. "Even if the approach of zero negativity leads to, essentially, a vow of silence, eventually the mantle of fear will dissipate and both parties will find the warmth toward each other that they once had," they write.

The authors are careful to point out that this commitment does not mean couples cannot voice their concerns about the relationship, but rather that they do so in a more conscious, careful, loving way, than through barely-veiled critiques. Hendrix and Hunt suggest that couples make an appointment to have a conversation about any sort of concern - being upfront that there is something that needs to be addressed. "Knowing that you are going to express something critical takes away the element of surprise and defensiveness in the other person, and allows you to state your concern in a thought out, gentle way. It makes it much more likely that they will be willing to compromise and come closer to your side of the fence," they write.

Outside of the official, Couple-Sanctioned Relationship Conversation, couples should continue practicing the no negativity approach - why not try it for a few days, a week? Make it a game? Even the act of having your partner read the article can be a step toward repairing any holes in your connection.

But I am seeing more and more of my friends taking advantage of the “date day” concept. Picture it, you drop the kiddos off at their respective daycare or school locales and then you and your partner take a vacation day together. You are paying for the daycare/school anyway…why not give your relationship a mental health day at the same time?

It’s definitely no night out at a club, and you might not get to sleep in or be too leisurely at lunch if you have an early pickup from preschool. But deliberately devoting the time to one another during a date day can help reconnect busy Moms and Dads. Catch a matinee, try that new restaurant for lunch (daytime reservations are usually a lot easier to get at DC hotspots anyway), buy a real newspaper and linger over your coffee at the diner like you did long ago. The results of recharging your relationship can be immediate and powerful. You might even notice a new spring in your step when you head back to the daycare at the end of the day. 

Did you do it? Great. Let’s meet back here in six months.

According to a new study, tiny act of kindness today may still boost your happiness and self-esteem half a year from now. The big conclusion? Kindness does count. And it doesn’t have to be kindness toward strangers. If you treat your partner with kindness – say please and thank you, make the bed without being asked, surprise him with concert tickets – you are improving your own self-impression while also taking care of the other person. According to the study, being kind to others also might help us be kind to ourselves. The reverberations may be endless.

As far as the last category goes, we obviously must nurture our connection with our spouse or partner. But making new friends can be one way of supporting that relationship, too. What I mean is that when we keep up with our friends and make new, non-couple friends for ourselves individually, we actually are helping that primary relationship by maintaining our own sense of self. No one wants to be the person so tightly bound in her marriage or enmeshed with her boyfriend, that she forgets who she is and no one really wants to be in a relationship with that person, either.

Book club, a running group, meeting a different friend for coffee each week these are small commitments to making yourself happier and more balanced. Keeping up outside interests challenges us, and helps us grow and change, and makes us more interesting when we do come back home.

This attention to good sleep habits also ought to be paid to our spouses and partners. Sure, if I get a good night's sleep I am better able to handle my job and household responsibilities. But if the person who sleeps on the other side of the bed is restless or struggling with insomnia? Then that becomes problem for both of us.

Your partner's struggles with sleep can have a cascading effect on how your household runs. This is why sleep hygiene ought to be a concern for both people in a partnership. Maggie Mason, of my favorite bloggers, recently wrote a sponsored post on her "Mighty Girl" site including her 10 best tips for getting good rest. Unlike some of the more sterile (READ: didactic, infantilizing) resources out there, her suggestions are both interesting and dead-on. Take a look here.

So far, my 3-year-old remains motivated by the suggestion of a time out when she’s misbehaving. Sometimes I have to do the countdown – “ONE – TWO – two-and-a-half” – to get her attention, but time out seems to be enough of a disincentive that it usually guarantees moderate compliance with whatever rule I’m trying to enforce at the moment.

But the truth is, the time out concept is more effective for me, as a parent, and between me and my husband, as we co-parent. With the stress of keeping a semi-chaotic household running, quiet time is an afterthought for us these days. But reminding him, or him reminding me, that we can and should take a break from time to time, has been a tremendous help.

First, it’s practical that separating from a stressful environment reduces anxiety and helps give us perspective (no, the toddler isn’t trying to sabotage dinner, she’s just not so good with a lidless cup of milk). Second, having him offer me a break, or vice versa, is a wonderful reminder that we see each other, that we hear each other, and that we appreciate each other, despite the tension of the moment. It reinforces the teamwork we’ve come to rely on, and helps us both see our family with new, calm eyes. Take a run around the neighborhood, call your best friend from the front seat of the car, grab a book and hide out in a dry bathtub with earplugs (am I the only one?) – time out can be transformative.

To make this point, PC&CC's Stacy Notaras Murphy often assigns silly tasks to her couples in between sessions - such as having a staring contest, playing hide and seek, or making up a cheer they can perform together. "My favorite is to ask them to come up with a secret handshake," she says. "I've seen couples make variations on their childhood handshakes, add dance moves, sing little songs. Some of them are very subtle and they make a habit of doing the handshake when they're out with other people - as a way to give the signal that they are together and have an intimate secret. It's a great way for them to be creative together, which is part of what we're doing in our sessions - working together, creatively, to heal rifts and make it safe to be close once again."