In recent years, I have had the joy of being a resource for two WashingtonPost.com blogs: the "Solo-ish" relationship blog and the "OnParenting" family blog.

Thursday
Sep212017

Solo-ish: What is an Emotional Affair?

Lisa Bonos took on the weighty question of what, exactly, is an emotional affair? How do you know you're in one? She asked for my input - read the full article here.

Tuesday
Oct232012

Running head(cold) first into household conflict

Janice D'Arcy and I talked about the unique burden that being sick while being a co-parent can place on a couple. When you have babies of your own, your own chances of being babied dwindle. Resentment can set in on the part of the sick parent, and the parent left to keep the household running. Read the whole article here.

Friday
Sep142012

Too busy for the anniversary

It may feel like a chore sometimes, like everything else ought to come higher on your list, but forgetting your anniversary is a big, gigantic, huge, enormous (get my drift?) mistake.

And it will only take 30 seconds to get yourself back on track.

Read the whole article here.

Here's an excerpt:

“One moment of simple connection with that other grown-up who balances out your family seesaw does not require lots of planning, or even complete privacy,” she said.

“I may be going against the Therapist’s Code here, but we couples counselors often prescribe the Date Night or Appointment Sex because they are sure-fire ways to get people to connect on a regular, measurable basis. But the aim of that whole process is so that the two people get to that smiling, eye-contacted moment of really breathing together, acknowledging their partnership, and naming what they are building through their choice of living a shared life.

“What I’m advocating for here is 30 seconds of hand holding, eye contact, and saying something (anything) positive about the other person. In those 30 seconds, you simply acknowledge that while you don’t have the time/energy/sitter funds to plan that big date night out, you really would love to have that time together.”

Tuesday
Jun192012

For better and for worse and through raising the kids

Kids have their own unique way of relaunching a couple back into the same navigational power struggles that usually come at the beginning of a relationship. Janice D'Arcy and I discussed the way that kids plunge us back into old conflicts that we may have thought were over.

Here's an excerpt:

“There’s a romantic phase of parenting (mixed in with the exhausted/delirious/mommy-daddy brain phase) when we are getting our sea legs and marveling at the transition from couplehood into parenthood. But soon the power struggles sneak up, e.g. when to move a baby to her crib; how long to breastfeed; or how we handle child care arrangements.

“Increasingly, we seem to be a kid-focused culture, so it’s easy for relationship growth to be put on the backburner for a time, even years, until there’s very little left between two people to salvage.

Read the whole article here.

Tuesday
Feb142012

Making the Case for Valentine's Day

You don't have to buy into the corporate approach for Valentine's Day, but you do have to do something.

I offered some reasons why in OnParenting. Read the whole article here. Here's an excerpt:

“Sure, Valentine’s Day has become the holiday to hate: it’s contrived, it’s awkward, and yet, full of expectations. But the truth is that intimacy-while-parenting — particularly when your kids are young — is basically all of those things:contrived, awkward, and full of expectations...

“February actually is a great month to check back in with your partner, since the end-of-year busy-ness is passed. We can use the holiday as a reminder that we still have an intimate partner despite the complications of parenthood, perhaps launching us back into a routine of being conscious about our relationship health."