Her Therapy, or Our Therapy?

I cannot tell you how many times couples come into treatment because one of them is the "identified patient." For example, she makes the call to see me because "we need to work on his anxiety." Or he sets up an appointment "just to help her get in the door, then I'll duck out." It makes sense, when things are hard in our relationships we all find ourselves looking for a place to put the blame. But as this week's question reveals, when one person has the symptoms, the other partner usually has a matching, inverse set of his own. That's ok - in fact, that's a sign of a good match. But sometimes we both need some help making things better. Read the whole column here.